you're invisible; invisible to me

random post :)

2010-11-29T23:06:00.001+08:00

assalamualaikum

Conceit describes the tendency of muslims who are people of overbearing arrogance.

'What they had not attained they supposed they had attained, what they had not understood they supposed they had understood'.

In every area of human activity, arrogance is an impediment to growth.

History teaches that arrogance is the beginning of decline for both individuals and organisations."

This is the way that islam will perish - its castle of arrogance will be destroyed from within by its own soldiers.

The Girl I Used To Be

2010-04-09T07:54:00.000+08:00

assalamualaikum

I tell myself that everything's going to be ok,

that there is no reason for all this pain.

The time it took to change, the time it took to

see all those mistakes.

The life I had, I can't have back. The choices I made,

affected me in all those ways.

The mistakes I made have not been forgotten.

The tears I shed, the sounds I made, the feelings

that left me feeling in a different way.

Yet I can't see why these tears feel so unreal.

I'm not the same, my words are unsaid.

What I hide, is buried deep inside.

To know, to love, to breathe.

It hurts to know that I'll never be the

girl I used to be. The one that would always laugh,

the one that you knew would always be strong.

The feeling is real, the truth is sealed.

I cry in the dark, cuz I know I cut too deep.

The blood is like the rain,

in every way it drifts away.

The scars are real, but the wounds in the heart

are another mark.

If you only knew what I've been through,

or maybe you could take a walk in my shoes.

I'm not fake, I'm not a doll,

I just don't think I'm the same in any way.

So where did my soul go?

Why did I ever let it runaway?

What happened to that girl?

The one that could make you laugh,

the one that would always take you out?

What happened to that girl,

cuz I'm lost without her?

I'm no longer me, the mistakes changed me,

but did they change her?

If only I would know.

V is very very extraordinary

2010-02-27T15:16:00.002+08:00

Assalamualaikum

ive always have had this thing where sometimes i cant express myself when im happy.

my dictionary gets down to zero and the only word to describe myself is just happy.

the happier i am, the lesser i write, and even if i write or tried to express how happy i am, it just doesnt come out right.

the times when i write most are usually when im troubled by double thoughts( which are usually not necessary) or plain unhappiness.

and.. my happy posts are usually those entries only i know whatever has happened kinda entries.

so today i turned 19. :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME :))

the feeling

2010-02-19T22:24:00.001+08:00

assalamualaikum

few months back, someone that i was, would have done a lot more than this person that i am today. i think i used to be a much better friend to you than i am today. but it goes the same for you too. but lets just put it this way, ive grown to be such a selfish person who thinks about myself more now than i ever did. but isnt it true when they said, life goes about this way, to put yourself before others. i think you taught me alot on this one.

actually the point is, i could have given you the assurance(even if you dont need it) that i think you need but i am not going to.

----------------------
and ..
my eye prolly twitched for the first reason yesterday.
this shouldnt be happening to me.

i need to sleep this whole thing off.
with sleep comes forgetfulness.

Ideal Man

2010-02-16T15:44:00.005+08:00

Assalamualaikum

To find an ideal man that i want to spend the rest of my life arent that easy...its true like wad Sister Rima told some of us.

She said,"how much of homework have u done before you are really commit with someone that you think you love them and wants to settle down with that man?

And she said,"don't because you love that man,u go n have sex with them.they so called 'bribed' you by saying,if u love me,u must sleep with me.and you also so stupid lah,u sleep with him.ya lah,too handsome right,cannot afford to lose him.even so you will marry that man,your marriage wont last long.of course lah,before marriage u only know how to sleep with him.you dont even really know him well.NO WONDER LAH DIVORCE RATE SO HIGH NOW!" hahahs

True enough what she said,i mean..if you really love someone,you wont take advantage of the person right?Its no longer a flabbergasted issue nowadays.I sometimes wonder,do they really know the true meaning of love??what do they understand by going around sleeping with their partner which to them it is a signed of love.Or perhaps,by doing this they trying to prove their partner their fidelity.CRAP!

Oh Allah, please forgive all my sins throughout my life.And also to all my muslim friends who have commited sins in their life.. AMIN!

As for me,i would like to find someone who have this criteria:-

1)creating a solid,sincere & understanding muslim family. Reigned respect,love,commitment,mental tranquillity & happiness

2)whose slogan is:religion is sincerity

3)whose goal is:a right education for my 'children'

4)whose reference is:the Qur'an ,the sunnah of the sayings of the worthy ancestors

5)whose aspiration is:that they will be called on the Day Of Judgement to:

enter paradise,you and your wive in happiness. trays of gold & cups will

be passed round them(there will be) therein all that the one's inner-selves

could desire,all that the eyes could delight in,and you'll abide therein forever

(Az-Zukhrul:70-71)

6)whose model is:the prophet(s.a.w),his companions,the followers & those who follow

his footsteps with sincerity till the Day Of Judgement.

Its not easy to find someone special with this criteria.Even if there is,will he able to accept who i am?

but im only human

2010-02-07T21:13:00.007+08:00

assalamualaikum

shouldn't take it too hard, since we can never please everyone around us.
should just breathe and admit that i do have a selfish vein in me.
talk about being insensitive.
if there were images of life in choronological order, i wouldnt have recognized myself in some of them.
boy, was i such a mess at that point of time.

have you ever looked back and wished you hadnt acted the way you did to people around you. when i said people, in this context i meant the people i often overlooked had a part to play in my life. sometimes i think i steer too much to a certain side and i forgot .. life's a circle. i'm in the middle and the rest makes up the full circle.

lesson learnt.

so lets get a grip and look at the positive things now :)

life as it is

2010-02-06T17:44:00.002+08:00

assalamualaikum

sneaking in this short entry before major updates, in a few days time.

how much fun do you have to be in to claim that you have lived your life to the fullest?

how much energy have to be taken off from you to know that you are living your life and definitely not wasting any seconds of what you are left with.

or do we measure 'life to the fullest' with how much we've achieved throughout the years?

crawling back home at 3am literally drained from every energy you have and falling back on your bed sleeping the mornings away and waking up and repeating the whole cycle of fun fun fun and more fun, how much life can we actually get out of this?

or do i have to fill up this page with thousands of photos to literally show and proclaim that i am living my life

or maybe i should learn the 'art' of facebooking and start superpoking people or whatnots what? vampire? give a hug? i dont know all this f.book. now is that living my life? or friendster? i dont know.

do i have to show/write out the fact that everyday i am living my life? i mean its okay right if i dont? what do i lose if i dont blog about who i went out with? who im with right now? who what where how why? its okay right? its not about personal/ private matters that im not sharing it with the world. i do i do tell the close ones about whats happening everyday in my life. and i love sharing it with them. it doesnt make me less of an interesting person just because i dont blog much about personal stuffs right? or maybe i dont even blog that much now.

i dont know for now. but i am sure that i am learning to live my life, not to the fullest for now but yes, i am enjoying my life right now. the simplest joy that i can ever ask for.
i really dont know much
but i can tell you right now i have wonderful wonderful family and friends/bestfriends/girlfriends/schoolfriends who have been with me throughout my life and i love them so
much. and i appreciate them being there for me and watching me grow up.
and i make it known to them that i do care so much for them because what the world needs right now is l.o.v.e from everyone.
i love the fact that i talk, i talk alot to people around me and with that i learn alot , i gain more than i can ever ask for. friendships and two cents worth of thoughts. and life lessons. and the fact that i am beginning to love the ambiguity of life.
and how its forming around me.
and yes, the fact that i end my day/nights with hugs from the people i last meet everyday. and yes, the fact that i have time for myself to learn to love myself even more.
and the most important fact that i love is that i go home most nights with my heart at ease and i can fall asleep easily and push aside all my worries and just climb to my bed after a really good shower and end the night with a good book/dvd/movie/tvshows or perhaps a good convo with someone via the msn/phone/sms.
or that i flip through photos and smile to myself because i get reminded of the so much fun i had that day with my loved ones. even if the photos were taken so long ago. and that i get reminded of good ol' days

and that im learning to cope with days that are just my off days. i do have terrible days where i dont end my nights with what i said in the prev sentence. and i still do get heartaches and get all crushed up because of unexpected things that fall in my way. and when these days happen i do cry myself to sleep at night or even cry my walk back home. i do get all sappy listening to sad sad songs. i still fear so many things in my life. some days my self esteem get so low that i prolly just want to stay home the whole day. and much much more terrible stuffs. and these days dont just happen for one day, sometimes it lasts for weeks. some nights, it still hurts a lil that ive lost some people in my life and everytime i think of them the only thing i can do is just wish them well. and i do get lonely days/nights where you feel so miserable that you have to go through such agony. but its ok right? we all go through this right?

and lastly, this girl that i am
i still have alot to discover about myself and with the much stuffs that have been happening this past few years, ive learned to love and hate some things/qualities in me. and i am learning to be a much better person that i was yesterday to finally say that i have lived my life to the fullest. and the mystery word alongside L.I.F.E would be L.O.V.E. who knows what these two words actually mean. most dictionaries are prolly wrong when it comes to these two. what life and love can do to you.

alot more years to come, expect the unexpected coz the unexpected is what makes life worth living.

true?

i hope(s)

2010-01-23T22:31:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum

For what it's worth:

We can make the best or the worst out of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view.

I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again. And I really hope life will treat you kind.

random qoute

2009-10-23T10:42:00.012+08:00

Assalamualaikum

"the desire to take medicine is perhaps the greatest feature which distinguishes man from animal"

small talk

2009-10-17T00:35:00.005+08:00

assalamuailaikum

you know how we always leave it to small talk to get the conversation going during a meeting with someone or a group of people or anything like it. even though some would prefer to remain silent , but to each his own.

i would usually opt for the small talk option on most occasions
but apparently i avoid having the chit chat sessions with cab drivers especially when im alone in the cab. i dont understand why, because as everyone would have known, cab drivers do know their stuff, in fact they do have ample of knowledge about topics like politics, the young vs old generation and .. almost anything you can actually think of, thus u can learn a whole lot from them within a few mins ride. worth your money.

but i get really silent in cabs and only make the polite laughter and occasional acknowledgment grunts. the only time i remembered having a conversation with them was this one time when i went home from camp to get some stuff and that was it. i remembered it being a good convo about how now housewives prefer to work part-time and him asking my opinion on that.

maybe it is the fact that i dont get the full frontal face to face convo with him but he gets to do so, with the help of the mirrors. he can see me but i can only see ..his head?

and i have had this weird experience once , the driver turned to me and let go of the steering wheel and asked me " how.. scared or not? " .. that freaked me out but i got over it.. because apparently he just wanted to make a joke or something.

i just thought that today's cab to fidah's place is worth mentioning thus leading to this entry. 4pm at sembawang?

but but but my fave cab rides would def be the night rides and the driver tuned in to class 95.."uncle turn left and go straight right to the end" and i remembered how the songs on the radio would coincide with how i felt for that night. lovely.

this is just me

2009-10-13T02:05:00.003+08:00

assalamuailaikum

sometimes i feel like i need to figure things out for myself first before everything else. i need to sit down again and re-think. few months ago i had different priorities in mind and right now i feel that i have to sort my priorities again, for the better of me. a little step back out of my comfort zone, and actually learn to see things from a different point of view. but truth be told today, i say today for the longest time i heard bells ringing in my head telling me "god as, what are you doing?"

im not sure if this is fear that im having to deal with. but it might have got to do with my subconscious mind reminding me slow down girl, slow down.
but there's another part of me telling me i need to settle things within myself first. the one thing that have been bugging me for so long, is just what's next for me? what do i do where do i go how do i go about doing it?

feels like im at this junction where i have to cross over a huge river knowing that the hurdle is the cross over but its not going to end there. there's an even greater journey for me to handle after the hurdle, leaving behind the past hurdles before the river.

such a literal way of putting things.

THE CHOICE

2009-10-13T01:55:00.003+08:00

Assalamuailaikum

Lagging behind will definitely be the greatest drawback ever.
But I'm definitely prepared to crawl my way up slowly.
Even if it means I'm going to start rock bottom.

It might be worth it & that's a huge risk I'm willing to take.
I'm relentless, trust me on that.

Insyallah, if god's willing.

im back!!

2009-08-23T20:09:00.004+08:00

assalamualaikum!

It's been million of years since I updated my blog. Haha.
Well, for the few months many things has happened. Pleasant And unpleasant. Happy and sad. But I've learnt alot. So much that I felt that my life has changes. To a better I guess?(:
hopefully.

It's like a roller coaster ride! I feel like getting my butts off when I'm experiencing 'the train Zooming down'. It's definately not a good feeling. It's scary n puking. And it seems like is never ending. Just kept on zooming and zooming down. Without having a thought for the 'passagers'.
Indeed, life is like a roller coaster. Once we board it, we can't stop until the end of the ride. There are times we enjoy during the ride, going up, moving forward fast n steadily and swiftly but there are times where the ride goes all the way down. And during the ride, we will get to experience lots of feelings. Just like life.

I read a book just now. It says: knowing how to Control fear is power. Precisely! Life is full of fearful experience! But we must know how to take control over it and not let it to take control over our life! Amazing. Isn't it?!(:

2009-03-20T13:33:00.005+08:00

happy birthday dearest sweetheart JESIE and and happy belated birthday to my bestest bestfren shaiful.i wish u yesterday already,but i just want to make it official through my blog.hahas.n btw shaiful,dun forget this monday k.*winkswinks*

2009-03-19T08:49:00.027+08:00

assalamualaikum

finally,i got the time to summarise my trip to KL with the other 3 girls.one word that i will describe the trip=AWESOME!!

seriously,there are too many pictures to upload.so,i compiled all of them together according to the event.

it all started with monday night.ain and i went to sleepover kak azie's n kak shasha's hse cz it will be easier for cik rosli to send us the next morning.that night instead of getting some rest,we did a movie marathon.step nk countdown lah.excited u know.how should i put it,the whole trip is all about sushi n purple colour madness.3/4 days of our trip,we ate sushi.n we are not talking about 5-10 plates of sushi.more than 18 plates.credits to sushi king which located just beside our hotel n sakae sushi.sooner or later,our face will look like sushi.about purple,the four of us bought some clothes with purple colour.whats up with the purple seh."purple affair" i guess.hahahs.

and,not forgetting our own version of pyjamas party.or should i say baju butterfly party.funny lah.n every night we will dance.with the 1st night,bangra dance.followed by traditional dance.

this is what happened when the four of us get together.MADNESS!!

the rest,i will just let the pictures do the talking aites.ohya,our ladies night at tagine restaurant..it was super nice.i love that moment.

-monday night/tues morning

-otw to kl,with only the four of us+one korean man in the bus.gerek.

-3/4 days of eating sushi.

-camwhoring n our "baju butterfly party"...

-at tagine;theres hummus,mutabal,naan,tagine kofta,creme caramel,pastilla chick,mixed seafood

-@ tagine

-otw back to spore

-them who made this trip an awesome one.

-for memory.hehes.

2009-03-18T08:31:00.003+08:00

assalamualaikum..

yesterday went to babysit nils again because his parents got some exhibition at expo.this time,i went alone coz mom had to settle some stuff at hdb toa payoh.i left his hse arnd 10pm n reached wdlns int roughly 1110pm.n guess who i saw.its ms uma. YES!! ms uma devi.i was so shocked when i saw her at this hour.so,guess what she's wearing?-right,the leopard/sunflower shirt.the same old shirt.chat with her few mins.she told me it is a long story on why she still here at this hour where she should be at home already.gosh,pity her lah.still remember when she's my form teacher frm sec 3-5...my class always made her angry.the first thing she came to class,she will start shouting.hahas,miss that! reached home,took a bathe,n went straight to bed.

n sorry bestfren,shaiful,when u text me,i already snoring.hahas.nie mesti case tk boleh tido,dats why u text me.i know you too well *winkwink*

tomorrow,tomorrow,tomorrow

2009-03-09T12:28:00.007+08:00

assalamualaikum

my virgin trip with kak shasha,kak azie and ain!!

-i will be back on fri.so,i would not be updating prolly till next week.

maulidur rasul s.a.w

2009-03-09T12:05:00.004+08:00

assalamualaikum

to all my muslim friends,in conjunction of maulidur rasul s.a.w 1430H.

here is selawat badriyah.

picnic with my love

2009-03-09T11:43:00.010+08:00

assalamualaikum

went picnic at east coast with family on the 7/03.and it was awesome,though in the evening it rain for awhile.whole day we spent chilling inside our tent n played bicycle.and we get to spend more quality time with each other.here are some of the pictures :))

Those of Us Who Think We Know

2009-03-05T12:21:00.003+08:00

Those of us who think we know
the same secrets
are silent together most of the time,
for us there is eloquence
in desire, and for a while
when in love and exhausted
it’s enough to nod like shy horses
and come together in a quiet ceremony of tongues.It’s in disappointment we look for words
to convince us
the spaces between the stars are nothing
to worry about,
it’s when those secrets burst
in that emptiness between our hearts
and the lumps in our throats.
And the words we find
are always insufficient, like love,
though they are often lovely
and all we have.

so outdated post

2009-03-04T17:50:00.016+08:00

cousin mini picnic on the 17th january 2009.

had mini picnic at "teletubbies hill"(opposite christ church sec).kak azie,ain n mirul planned this surprise picnic for me to cheer me up coz they know i so called sad abt my o-level results.sweet right.awww :))

i'll let the pictures do the talking.

TGIF

2009-02-27T10:36:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME :))

2009-02-24T11:03:00.004+08:00

last fri,went out wit whole family.went to tampines.firstly went to courts megastore then to ikea and lastly did some shopping at giant.they are located very near with each other.so,we spent the whole day at these places.

-taken at ikea;kids section.

next thing,ain went for a date yesterday with a guy name shahrizal,if im nt mistaken.

this is what she asked me earlier on yst,"inah,do i look pretty in real life?should i meet him?"

i was laughing when i looked at the text.

babe,first thing 1st,you r gorgeous ok.and,if that guy likes you,he dont care about your looks n stuff.and atleast,u've made a new fren.isnt that great!n just be yourself when u meet him,n see..aftr yst date..u guys are going out again today.im so happy for u dear..

when u free..we shall go out together k.

yesterday i met bestie,emilyza, too...bestie wanted to buy stuff at this fashion coz i got the member card.and this month being my bday month,i get an extra 20% off.walk around cwp,n saw sharifah.what a coincidence!bestie plan to watch movie with the other 2 girls,sharifah n sulaztry.cant wait for it.

2009-02-20T13:04:00.023+08:00

im so elated that danny gokey is in the top 12.the first time i heard him sing during his first audition,i felt in love with his voice.

watched ellen degeneres yst,n they played this game.

so hilarious.especially the yellow lady.

watch till the end and im sure u will laugh too.

2009-02-19T13:43:00.006+08:00

yesterday i was out since morning.so,met sulaztry at 9am for our medical examination at civic centre;SATA clinic.before that had breakfast 1st at macd.after that we make our way to the clinic at the fourth floor.at the clinic we must go various station.so,our 1st stasion very funny.we had to do a chest x-ray.the doctor told us to change our clothing to the robe that they gave us.at the changing room,i had difficulty with the door.so,i knock at sulaztry's door n chnged inside her room.in the 1st place,we kinda expected that we are asked to be naked.so,the robes were so big that we laughed to each other.then went to other room for urine test,height and weight,visual and taking blood sample.they took 2 tubes of our blood.quite alot seh.so,tomorrow we can collect back our report and we must send it to sch on the 27th march.

after the checkup,went home for awhile to chnge my clothings.met shaiful at 1pm and followed him to rp to watch his sister played netball.his dad were already there.frankly,i envy shaiful.he really got a supporting parents.after watching the match..shaiful and i make our way to cwp before splitting.cz he is meeting his gf;shahirah and im meeting emi.

met emi and i thought of going far east.but since emi not feeling well,we decided to go this fahion at kranji.i bought something there and then make our way back to wlnds.walk around cwp.then emi bought drinks for adi;her bf.adi got his soccer trainings at ite simei.so we waited for him about 15 mins.then while waiting emi had this crazy idea.she asked me to call adi from her hp and said that she's fainted.dont know from where she got that idea.mentang2 sakit..

so,i called.

inah:hello..adi.adi kt mane?(with a panicked tone)

adi:aku baru sampai kt interchnge lah.

inah:adi,adi..cepat sikit.emi pengsan lah.cepat.

adi:huh?emi pengsan.kk,aku cepat2 jln.(with a worried voice)

inah:kk..cepat.bye.

told emi to hide at the corner.once i saw adi from far,he asked me where's emi.then i was lik;'cepat,cepat...kat situ' suddenly,he turn his head and saw emi standing there laughing.he really looked so worried.when he saw emi,he said this.."korang nie eh...."

sayang betul adi kt emi.but after that i really felt bad towards adi.but then,we waited for him so long.i know lah..mentang2 dh national,muke masuk newpaper lagi..feeling2 nk jadi star karat lah.but i cant forget his expression lah.we should have record it.the,we send adi to the interchange.and after he left,i waited for emi's bus to come before i made my way to meet kak azie.

at 515 like that after emi boarded the bus,i took train and met kak azie at marsiling.im going to visit her mom at the hospital cz ive yet to do so.stayed at hospital till 8plus.before that she told me about this patients in the same ward with her mother got this 26yr old malay women name yati.she said this yati very pretty but too bad her brain haywire a little bit.when i looked at her,her face really looked like suzanna;the indonesian famous ghost actress.yesterday yati's hands were tied because earlier that day she slap someone.n she's brought to a room where only her inside it,cz initially her bed near to my aunty's bed.cik rusli send me home after that.

toodles,

peace be upon you.

ps happy 19th birthday sayang;ain.

u made my day

2009-02-15T18:01:00.018+08:00

while some of my christian friend celebrating valentines day...i had to babysit nils from 630-1130.but i really had fun playing with him.cz his parents going out to celebrate valentines.

here are some video of him.

thnks emilyza dearest for this.i love you :))

hooray...holiday time

2009-02-11T14:17:00.010+08:00

went out with my 3 sayangs(kak shasha,kak azie n ain) on the 10 feb to book our ticket for our holiday trip to KL this march.so,went to five stars tours at j.point.firstly,we thought of going 3days2nyte,but we find it too short.so,we make it to 4days3nyte instead from 10th of march till 14th march.hahas.so,we bought this free n easy package where the transport n hotel all provided for $220 each person.i found it quite expensive.but at least the next time we go,we roughly know about the price of the package.maybe next time we can go by train,coz it is much cheaper.

so,the transport n hotel wise all settle alr,now we are planning for the itineary.i came out with this idea to have a ladies night on our last night in KL.so,that day we will really dress up with our heels on and go dine in at a exquisite restaurant which must not be too expensive.but the ambience of the restaurant must be great.so,those ladies put me incharge in finding a good restaurant.cant wait for that night.im so elated.

btw,ain going get me that casio watch that i want for my present.and she will prolly wants me to get her a shoe for her bday.her bday falls on the 19th feb.every year,we've been exchanging present.gerek ryte.then about my plan to perm my hair,i think i will perm it before my school start.coz i realised i dun hv enough savings left.or can any soul pay for me?hahahs,im so thick-skinned.ive been keeping my hair long.or or,i wish i get some cash instead of present for my bday present.then i can topup a little bit n get my hair perm like the way i want it to be.hahahs,sry guys..im just being so random.

then i received a msg from unexpected person.how should i say.2 person to be exact.rasheed and jiban,my nepal friend.im so happy.usually rasheed only text me abt sch stuff.so,we talked about our course..n everythng.miss him and his jokes lah.such a funny guy.then told rasheed about my plan and he agree with it.i shall not tell u guys now,cz i want to make it a surprise for everyone.so,lets just wait and see :))

yesterday i met kak azie n went to her school,rp,to collect her results.n that lady finishes her poly education already seh.cool.then we make our way down to the ica building cause i need to chnge my passport coz the expiry date is on the 26 june 2009.n im going the holiday on march,n there is like 3 months before the expiry date.bt actually it must be 6 month before the expiry date.tentatively i dont have to chnge it now,but u know,i dont want to take any risks.what if the custom dont allow me to go?wasted right.

then after that we went to bugis for sight-seeing only.i cannot spend my money already.e rest of my money is strictly for the KL expenses.shopping there much more cheaper.more worth it.so,during the journey,got this crazy idea what im going do with them at the hotel.for now,lets just wait.im sure im going upload the picture n tell u guys what i meant.

so,my trip with abang to tioman island on the 1st week of march probably have to cancel.im so sad.but no choice,with our house problems.cause ibu said that the people who wanted to bought our flat cannot get a bank loan,cause they a singaporean..sad uh,if possible we want to move out asap.n my house agent,sorry to say this.u are the most unprofessional agent ive ever met.after one problem to another problem,if u dont know how to do your job,sit at home n shake legs lah.so angry.only know how to waste my mother money.worst still,ayah never give us our nafkah money.poor ibu.so,there goes my chance,coz initially abg said he's going sponsor for me.but but...i hope the next time when we cn go,he will still want to sponsor me.hahahhas

lastly to all my muslim friends,like finally pastamania now halal already.im so happy when i got to know about it.hehhe.so,hopefully botak jones will follow pastamania n get those halal cert.qifang said that the food there quite nice n very affordable.thats y i really wants to try it once they got that halal cert.

toodles! sorry for the very very long long posts.happy reading.

peace be upon you...

sale sale sale!!

2009-02-09T12:27:00.015+08:00

8th of feb

e main highlight for yesterday is the nike expo sale.eventually i suppose to go with qifang but then she got some important stuff to attend to.so,when ezma called me around noon,i randomly asked her whether she wants to go follow me to go expo anot.so she agree.before that i need to go jemputan with mom 1st at tampines.by the time we reached home,it's 4pm.then i quickly changed my clothes,pray zohor and asar 1st before i took cab down n fetch amze/ezma at wldns mrt.i dont mind wasting my money because i dunwant to miss this sale.yesterday was the last day n it ends at 6pm.i admit,im a typical singaporean=kiasu people.but that bday girl is far most kiasu that i am.hahs!reached expo around 515pm.

when we got in,amze was like.."kak,we go here 1st uh.."she was so high when she see all those apparels on a discounted price.the sale is up to 60%.

so we "tawaf" e whole place.uncle kumar only gave amze $50 for her bday,but then when she told him that we wants the shoe that cost $70,uncle kumar said,if i got extra money to spare for her,use my money 1st and uncle kumar will pay me back.that bday girl was lucky,coz i bring $700 which i supposed to bank in to my account.so,that girl just grab whatever that she's lured to.so,this is our receipts.

(amze) total spent at the expo=$210

(sakinah)tatal spent at the expo=$140

taxi fare= $20

total =$370

im quite happy with what ive bought.i managed to get all the stuff that i really wants.i bought a nike air shoe for running for 70 bucks,cz my old pair the sole came off alr,a 3/4 dri-fit pants for running that since last year i badly wants it,e original price abt $50++ n i got it with $30 and an identical green jacket that both azme and i bought that cost $40.i love the jacket so much!but,the nike cap i want dont have uh.they only sell a cap with a 'china' word written so big on the cap.wth.

so right before our turn to pay,there's a announcement saying that those who spent min $300 in a single receipt get a free shoe.bday girl eager alr,after i pay she quickly take the receipt n claimed the free shoe.that shoe very preety,n it is a nike air shoe too.cool uh.so,i let her take the shoe as a her bday present.hahahs.

after paying,uncle kumar to fetch us.so sweet of him.went to amze nenek hse to celebrate her bday.i got back my $210 from uncle kumar.woohoo.stayed there till 9pm and uncle mimi(amze's dad) drove my bro,haikal, and me home.before that,haikal slept over amze hse since fri.reached home,try all the stuff that i bought.hahahs.im going wear the new 3/4 pants n the running shoe for my next training with qifang.the new shoe need to be season.so,ive bought for myself a bday present yesterday.n im so happy.now,i still considering whether i should buy the nike cap and the casio watch anot.coz the money i got now,is for my backpacking trip with my cuz during this march holiday.we shall see how.

peace be upon you

p.s happy birthday dearest ezma.finally youre 13.

just keep pushing myself

2009-02-07T16:04:00.004+08:00

peace be upon you...so,continue wit my training today.i planned wit qifang wad should we do today.so,i decided to go for a short run but today we focussed more on stairs climb.we did 6 times up and down of a 12 storey blk;539.after that we make our way to the teletubbies hill near spore sports sch,the same hill where ms puah usually bring us.so we did 4 times up and down.after that,our thighs and calves feel umbroly pain.but,no more dizziness,cause i force myself to hydrate with atleast 1.5liters of water. basically,for mountain climbing,stairs climb is the most effective way to train our stamina.all those running is to just build up your stamina.all those running are just wasting my time.then otw home,i just recalled that nike expo sale going end soon.tomorrow is the last day.and i really need to get for myself a new running shoe.n the sale is up to 60%.so,tomorrow after my sermons class i will meet qifang again and go the expo with her.

went home,after washed up and all..met lynn at cwp.had breakfast with her.then walked around cwp n i saw this casio watch n i love it.n it is only $42.but i cant buy it now.saving for my trip.e trip much more important.still...gosh,i want it so badly...hopefully i can tell abang to buy that watch for my birthday present.hahahs.

gtg now,later aunty shasha n e rest of her family coming over my hse.so,need to help mom with the cooking.finally i able to meet dearest ezma later.missing her lots.

to pursue this dream

2009-02-06T20:14:00.007+08:00

today at 730am,met qifang baby under my block.we planned to go to Everest Base Camp wit the rest of the girls.

ms puah told us that she's willing to sponsor both of us for the EBC trip.cz she said that the other girls get subsidy from the school and as the alumni,we get nothing.and also due to our family financial problem.initially,we dont agree with her decision to sponsor us,i mean u wouldnt feel nice going to a trip with someone else money n worst still she said that we dont really have to pay her

back;to her it is a blessing to give people.n this,she must fork out

around $6000 for both of us 1st.she's like a angel lah,willing to sponsor us.

it has always been my dream to go to everest.do you know that,our school will be going wit Singapore Womens Everest Team

and it will be a great honour to be able to go with them.the SWET is a no stranger to us,cz they've been to our sch couple of times to give

a talk about their experience in mountain climbing,n both qifang and i has been helping them with their fund raising

since last year.but,both of us hesistate to pay ms puah back by installment.so,what we did this morning is that we test our physical fitness first.from what ms puah told me that day,even

she herself doesnt deny that the trainings are umbroly tough.they have started

training since last month.so alot of catching up need to be done.we run 5km and did stairs climbing up and down 8 times at blk 539.and we started to have cramp aftr that.hahas

yesterday i kept reminding qifang to hydrate 1st before sleeping but

i dont even did that for myself.thats y i had some dizziness after the stairs climb.all thnks to my stubborness.so,now we are waiting fr ms puah to get clearance from the school to let us go and about our air ticket.so,pray for me k guys.

-swet;esther,joanne,jane,peh gee,li hui & yi hui

-another reasons why i badly want to go is because

of tin kumar;second from the left.he's going to lead us again.

he is such a sweetheart.

high spirits of joy

2009-02-04T12:05:00.005+08:00

firstly,im elation for my successful interview for the nursing course.sulaztry too.that means we are in the same course.and sharifah,she's still waiting for her interview results.wish her all the best.but whatever it is if she's not chosen for paramedics,she will still be joining the nursing course.n that means we will still be in the same school.as to my dearest emilyza,i will still pray for ur success n may u find better friend from your school.eventhough we are not in the same school,trust me,i will still treasure our friendship n u will not be forgotten by us.

n shaiful,i realli hope u will appeal asap,cz it will be nice to have u in the same school wit us :))

3rd of FEB

met my fellow ANNAPURNA BASE CAMP mate to celebrate fabian's n jueqi's birthday.so,met all of them at pizza hut at 630pm and 15 mins later ms puah came n joined us.seriously,i thank god for keeping all of us united even after the trip which is on DEC 2007.n now,its 2009 and we still celebrating each other birthday without fails.candidly,i have no idea that they are celebrating my birthday too because it is still a long way to go.so,thnks guy for giving a advance birthday celebration.n sry,yesterday celebration,no pics are taken.

-sweet memories

2009-02-03T09:27:00.010+08:00

1st FEB 09

today,the sermons class for the teenager start to resume.but once i reached the bus-stop,my slipper strips came off.my class supposedly start at 915am but i reached the bus-stop around 925.i was like wth,im late already n this slipper gave trouble.serious,i cant realli walk..even i tried to walk..it will be awkward.just imagine this,i have to drag it as if my leg being amputated.worst still,the bustop is not right infront of the mosque,i must still cross one traffic light.so,luckily i got this xtra brooch inside my bag.i tried to pin it so that i cn walk properly.but every few steps,it will came off again.i still yet to cross that traffy.then my eyes saw these rubber band.so,i tied my feet together wit the rubber band n yes,ive crossed e traffy.once crossed,i called mommy to bring my other slipper.alhamdulillah,at last ive reached my class.luckily after my sermons class,i will be meeting mom at the mosque too for another sermons,but wit ustad shafie.now the sermons is for the public.seriously,i was so embarrassed today. people kept staring at me while i tried to fix my slipper.what a start for a 1st day of a month.i tot february is month which is full with love.where is the love baby?

ps.happy birthday dad and my dearest jueqi :))

2nd FEB 09

went to ite simei for interview today with sulaztry,sharifah and her boyfren(faiz).we got shortlisted for the nursing course.n during the bus ride,we had so much fun.since the last time we met during our o level results.seriously,i miss them so much.so,my interview,alhamdulillah,everythng went smoothly.but i cn only know the results of my interview on the 4th of feb.ive been praying hard for it.actually i still waiting for my appeal results too.i appeal to go poly,same course;nursing.though i know my chances very slim,i still hoping that they will call me for the interview.after the interview,sulaztry left wit her ex who also schooling there.so,sha n faiz insisted to wait with me until my cuz,siti,ends her lesson.cz we plan to go home together.meet siti,then she brought me to their sch cafe n we ate western food.not so nice seh.my mom cooks better than that makcik.sorry.all the way siti and me kept talking and laughing.even about her retail uniform(the pants) we cn laugh abt it.funny!we are such a laughing monster.hahahas

ps.happy birthday fazli :))

date wit mom

2009-01-31T15:58:00.010+08:00

yesterday had a date wit mom.hahahs,serious!

in the morning at 9am,followed mom to her religious class.end arnd 1130.

then we head down to cwp for lunch.so,i treat mom at swensons cz she wants to.

after lunch,we went home..rest for awhile cz we planned to go geylang arnd 3pm.hidhir n haikal don't want to follow us cz they are too tired after cmg bck frm sch.so,onli me n mom going.

seriously,i prefer to go out wit my mom/family rather than my frens.i dun care if people want to say im a family girl.for me,"keluargaku;syurgaku'.n it is prerogative for us to spend most of our time wit family.ryte?furthermore mom and i are more like bestfren type rather than mother-daughter when we go out together.

easy said,my family very united.except my dad ;obviously.

first stopped..went to 'shadira' first at tkc to buy our cream.then went to first lady n mom bought herself a blouse.

n by that point of time our stomach start to play heavy metal music alr.hahahs.hungry!!

then i told my mom why not we eat at hjh maimunah.mom is fine wit it n she said it will be her treat.

then walk around aero furnishing to see the furnitures.took train home and its onli 915.so,went to metro n courts at cwp.

after seeing all these furnitures,mom n i kinda hv a rough idea on how we want to decorate our hse.cant wait to move hse.here are some of yesterday pic :))

-the 'sambal ledan' sedap seh.real sedap!!!

credits to hjh maimunah.

2009-01-29T19:16:00.004+08:00

finally...went for a run today.seriously,it has been ages since i last run.

prolly the last time are ryte b4 puasa n that point of time i was taking part in the nike humanrace.i need to run coz i need to start to clock my time n my pace.

i plan that this year,i must ATLEAST go 2 marathons.last year,joined 2 alr..so,y not make it a very year event.

at the very least,i enjoy doing it.and zulfadhli and i plan to go marathon together.now i got someone to go with :)

today stayed at home n helped mom with the remaining stuff that needs to be packed.

suddenly,zulfadhli called me arnd 545pm n he asked me out.so random of him.i thought aftr he's attached,he got no time for me.

but im wronged.what i like about zulfadhli is that eventhough i just got to know him early this month,i feel that he's a nice guy.

really nice person to be friends with.furthermore,we got the same interest that is to go marathon..n his family backgrnd,

kinda same too.so,we share alot in common.but u know,since he just got attached recently,i try not to meet him that often

coz i dont want his gf get the misconception.not nice of me if i go out wit him alone.

but whatever it is zul,next tym when im realli free..we cn hang out again.maybe go for a lunch/dinner again like that tym.

n im sorry coz im unable to meet u today.

2009-01-28T20:04:00.014+08:00

firstly,sry for not updating my post for almost 1 week.bz with packing all the stuff as im moving out soon n i just recover from fever.

last 2 days,went along hse for fun.stayed there till 10 n when we are about to leave,her cucu wana sleepover my hse.so,the 3 of them followed us home.as usual,those kids beg me to bring them to the swimming pool tmr morning.though i still feel weak,i promised them that i will bring.told them that we are going around 10am but when i woke up at 830 am next morning.all of them woke up alr.so semangat!mom never followed us,coz she's too tired.head down to macd 1st for a quick breakfast.N, imagine this..me bringing 5 of them to the swimming complex.

then in the afternoon,went to atok's hse.coz along were there to.stayed there till isyak before we went to giant,imm.finally,the place are not packed by humans!!

here are some of the pics,

-hidhir not in the picture.

another one bites the dust

2009-01-27T14:17:00.009+08:00

the flu.
it got me.
as did the sore throat
and the running nose
and the feverish sensation that wouldn’t go away.

ps.exactly 1 month left!! woohoo :)

2009-01-19T23:40:00.009+08:00

Can you not see this pain i have inside

For so long It had to hide

Pain surrounds me day by day

It just doesn't seem to go away

Pain that comes and pain that goes

Pain that keeps you on your toes

There is pain in my heart

And it seems to never part

Pain stuffed inside of me

Cant let anyone near me

Can't let anyone see the real me

Can't let anyone even hug me

It seems that nobody cares

still yet to bare

I cant take this pain anymore

I just want to walk out the door

-all i want you to know that no matter what happens i still love you,

n im not siding anyone... but u got to trust me.

i really want the best for my family..

afterall,which children bear to see their parents go on separate ways...??

n it really hurts my feelings when you always start accusing me.why me??

can i be more than what i am now?

2009-01-17T14:35:00.001+08:00

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?”

- Marianne Williamson

All of us have fears.

What do we do with our fears?

Do we allow it to manipulate us?

Do we flee from it and let it continue to haunt us?

Or do we face up to it and give our best shot?

So far, my way of handling is to stand up to it.

No matter how badly hurt I know that I may be, I will still want to face up to it.

It is the only way to be free of these shackles of uncertainty, of the deep unknown, of the deep-seated self doubts.

Can I really succeed in life?

It is this uncertainty that drives me to take on this challenge.

Can I be more than what I am now?

HAVE YOU?

2009-01-12T23:28:00.002+08:00

What is the underlying unease that fills us up whenever we are bored or in a state of doing nothing?

What is the gnawing feeling that I know I can do better than what I am doing now?

What is this sense of lack of fulfillment in spite of all the achievements I have received?

Have you ever wondered?

Have you ever wanted to find out more about yourself?

Have you ever thought that there is a part of you awaiting to be uncovered?

The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.

FACES IN LIFE

2009-01-11T15:53:00.000+08:00

I have often wondered what stories hold behind each faces that we meet.

The cashier at the 7-11 store handling my change, the cleaner at your school, the students waiting at the pedestrian crossing as we wait for the traffic light to change its signaling, the working class professionals waiting in the taxi queue as I ambled along beside them.

I guess each has his/her own stories to tell.

Stories of struggle, pain, loneliness, moments of joy, bliss and happiness.

And as I stood in front of the row of infants in the nursery, basking in the quiet joy of watching the newest addition to the family, I know that for every page of happiness, joy, felicity that she writes, moments of anger, disappointments, frustration and pain would follow through in her growing years.

Just like the cycle of life that comes in phases

Birth, Old Age, Sickness and Death

All inextricably linked

“We cannot ride the bicycle of life for others” - my wise teacher says

Some lessons may take us a lifetime to learn while others may take more than a lifetime to pick up.

And all we can do is to observe and revel in the brief escapades of happiness and know that this is only a moment just like the temporal pain that we feel in our heart.

Only the truly enlightened ones will recognise that all emotions are but energy, and that all emotions are the same…until enlightenment is reached, we would still be riding the bicycle of dukkha.

1 word..."AWARENESS"

2009-01-10T22:35:00.001+08:00

A life’s journey begins with awareness

We cannot see infra red, gamma rays, ultraviolet rays yet we know that they exist.

Could thought be one of the frequencies that exist, just that we cannot see it or have a means to measure it yet?

Is there really a difference between the living and non living things, between human, animals and plants; when all are nothing more than protons and electrons coming together?

What is reality?

But a figment of what we choose to see at this moment in time and all that exists before is a mixture of probabilities.

What does it all mean?

It means to be aware of the impact and effect that our thoughts and words can bring.

When the time comes, more sense will we make out of this world and our place in the universe.

QOUTES :)

2009-01-10T20:02:00.001+08:00

I found some worthy quotes, and would like to share it with you:

The desire to improve must come from within, not because your team is pushing you - Nancy Coulter-Parker, an avid outdoor athlete for more than 20 years. She is also managing editor of WomanOutdoors.com

This quote really reminds me about my trip to ANNAPURNA BASE CAMP last year. This is one binding principle that our team adhere to. We need to be self-motivated and be self-reliant. Set expectation on yourself and not on others.

To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe - Anatole France, Writer, critic, one of the major figures of French literature in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, who was awarded the Nobel Prize of Literature in 1921.

Yes, believe in yourself, because …

Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right - Henry Ford, the American founder of the Ford Motor Company.